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Sunday, January 31, 2010

So Sad

This was taken from a discussion between conservative homeschool grads:

But think about it....if you want to be a homemaker/wife/mother as your full time life calling, then a husband is exstreemly important. He is THE key to fulfilling your life goal.

Whereas with guys, they have at least one other life calling--their job. Getting married is wonderful but it's not THE key to them being able to fulfill that life goal. So it stands to reason that they don't think about it as much as girls do.

This is so very, very sad to me! Is essense, what this girl is saying is that women need men in order to fulfill their lives, but men don't need women to fulfill theirs....we're just an added bonus, I guess. Please tell me where in all of scripture, this idea is presented? If anything, it's the other way around: God created women because MEN were incomplete in their "life-calling"! You know, "it is not good for a man to be alone". =)

I believe that this idea is why so many conservative girls are so lost and dissatisfied with their lives. They're waiting for a man to "complete them" so they can fulfill their "life calling". How detrimental to the very heart of a woman! And what does this do to our perception of Who God is? What kind of God tells a woman that she can't fulfill her God-ordained calling without a husband, then lets her stay single her whole life?? It's like some cruel joke. The Bible says that when God calls someone, He equips them with what they need to fulfill that calling. So if all women are "called" to be wives, mothers, and homemakers, God must've dropped the ball.

I love my man. He does complete my life. But it's a mutual completion. And I don't believe that my life-calling would be unfulfilled if he weren't in my life. My identity is from who I am in Christ, not what I do (life-calling) or who is in my life (husband). When Jesus said "Follow Me" he wasn't just speaking to men.


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  2. You're spot on! This mentality is precisely what frustrated me so much when I was single, and it was depressing to live day to day waiting for some theoretical person to make my life complete.

    It's unfortunate that certain movements do not emphasize a woman's personal relationship with Christ, but instead choose to focus on only emphasizing how women should relate to fathers and husbands.

  3. It's sad, but spot on. If your goal in life is only to be a wife and a mother/homemaker, having a man is your #1 priority. If your goal in life is to live only for Christ, then your mindset will completely change for the better.

    But to those who only want a man to make them happy, chase your dream. You'll find it just as unfulfilling as your current life.

  4. I'm going to play devil's advocate just a wee bit here. :) The quoted comments annoyed me when I read them in the original thread, I have to admit. But if you read her clarification later in the same thread you do get a clearer picture of what she meant.

    I think it is also easier for women whe are married and in good relationships to look down on other women who DO want that in their lives. And I don't think it is a sad thing to want to be married and a mom, the sad thing is when that becomes your sole focus in life.

    I cannot tell you how many times since my divorce that I have cried out to God to PLEASE take away the desire for marriage and more kids. Since it appears to not be what life holds for me, it is a desire that just leaves a bit of an ache that I don't need on top of everything else. Plus, it is not like I feel some great calling in my life. Sometimes there isn't a great calling, it is just a case of walking with the Lord day by day and doing the best you can with what circumstances have thrown your way.

    So while not all women may be "called" (boy I get to hate that term sometimes) to be wives and moms, it doesn't mean that they won't have that desire.

  5. Jo, there's a huge difference between a desire and a God-ordained calling. THe desire to be a wife and mom is a beautiful thing and I wouldn't dream of looking down on the girl who desires it. I desired it myself.

    What I have a problem with is the idea presented in that quote. Whether the context makes it better or not isn't the point. The point is that there are popular conservative groups who teach this concept: that the ONLY calling ordained by God for women is that they would be wives/helpmeets and mothers. That is their purpose for being created. Men, on the other hand, have varied and other callings which really don't require a woman. You can find this teaching all over the Vision Forum site and blogs written by it's followers.

    THAT is what I find sad. Because if it is true that a woman needs a man to complete her "calling" then God really has dropped the ball in the lives of single women. They're missing their entire purpose for existing. Their lives are being wasted. Their identity as a servant of the Lord cannot be fulfilled until they have a man to be a wife to and children to be a mother to. Her value and worth are in essense dependant on someone else, instead of on who God made her.

  6. I agree that the mindset that the ONLY calling for women is wife/helpmeet/mom is wrong. But you can't deny for the majority of men/women that getting married & having children IS in their future. So while I really detest a lot of the Vision Forum/Patriarchal materials for that mindset, I don't think that a woman is wrong for feeling called to be a wife and mom. For many this will prove to be what life has for them. The problem is when she places that "calling" above God in her life and doesn't allow Him to change plans. :)

    I'm reminded of the story of Thomas Barnardo, who went to London to become to doctor so he could go overseas as a missionary. As a medical student God brought him into the lives of the street orphans of London and forever changed his path. He never did go overseas, but he did become "Father to Nobody's Children" and founded the foster care system. He thought he was called, but God changed that calling. However, it was that "calling" that took him to the place God wanted him.

    I just think it is hard for women who are married (and married young) to understand what older women go through. If someone does desire, or feel called, or however they word it, to be a wife and mom, a man is the key to that.

    I think we lose sight of the interconnectedness of God's plan. It is not good for Man to be alone. THEY need women, too. But the truth is we need each other. And the greater truth is we need God most, because without Him none of it works like it should anyway.

    Anyway, sorry for rambling on. I guess I just see where both sides are coming from. :)

  7. Darcy, so well said.

    A few years ago I realized that there is much confusion between the concepts of "calling" "role" and "purpose" in the lives of women. Sadly, much of that confusion has come from patriocentric authors and teachers who purposely blur the lines of distinction to promote their own agendas.

    My husband and I just celebrated 35 years of marriage and I can see so clearly how we both have the same life purpose as believers...to glorify God. But our callings and roles are different from each other and his from other men and mine from other women. I believe the Lord called me to be a wife and mother since he gave me a husband and children. He has also placed other callings on my life. And the roles I have taken to fulfill those callings has changed over the years. (One example I like to use is that I have had the role of "mother of the groom" two times and will be reprising it again in a few months. But it isn't a lifelong role I plan as I fulfill my calling to be a mother. And it is one that, Lord-willing, I will play that will fulfill my life purpose of bringing glory to God.

    I did a podcast about this a couple years ago if anyone is interested in listening to it:

    part one

    part two

  8. That is really sad. :)