Kid Randomness

Did you know that if you mix spit with crayons you can make finger paint?

This is just one of the many interesting things I wouldn't have learned if I didn't have kids.

Kailey decided that she wants to fly helicopters. She also thinks that fairies live in the back yard and is determined to find one and put it in her bug jar. We tried keeping a caterpillar alive in her jar but it died after 2 days. Probably in self-defence. She keeps asking me to find her some pixie dust so she can fly. She thinks the local grocery store carries it. I'm not sure how to tell her the truth, but she probably wouldn't believe it anyways.

Faith apparently knows to cheer at football games. We were at a pizza place last week and a football game was on the TV. She started getting excited and making the sign for "ball". Then she threw her hands up in the air and yelled "yay!!" at the top of her lungs several times during the game, causing everyone in the restraunt to look at us. Oh, for the abandon that children have. Did I mention that we don't watch football, nor have we ever taken her to a game? Also, never give her your cell phone. She can rearrange the icons, change your wall-paper pic, and text someone in 30 seconds flat. Don't ask me how I know.

Joel found out he could stand all by himself yesterday and the look on his face was sheer wonder. I'm in trouble with that one. Whenever Elvis comes on, he starts shaking his little booty and clapping. It's pretty cute. He loves the kitty (though his love in unrequited) and chases bugs around the floor. He wrinkles his nose when he grins at you. I think he's going to be a genious because I'm intuitive like that.

Sky took Kailey with him to run some errands the other day. When they came back, she was chewing gum...a huge no-no in my book. I asked him why he gave her gum and he said "It was the only way to get her to stop talking". Well, yes, the child talks non-stop. My mom says what goes around comes around. Sky says, "Then why do I have suffer for it, too?" I keep claiming that the ADHD comes from his side of the family but he won't have it. Oh look...a squirrel! Wait, what was I saying?

Oh yeah, crayons. So did you know that crayons have more uses than are described on the box? You can chew them up and make multi-colored spit, then use that to finger-paint the table, chairs, fridge, and kitchen floor. Also, canoe paddles make great swords. And work wonderfully for leaning up against the tree, so you can climb them to reach that branch that is just too high to get to.

Give my kids a swimming pool, and they'll have it full of mud in no time. Then they'll put the slide in it and slide into the mud. Occasionally I'll fill it with bubbles for them. Mud and bubbles are a strange combination, let me tell you.

One of the girls' favorite pass-times is wrestling. Sometimes I intervene because I'm not thrilled with their game of trying to beat each other up. It hurts me just watching them. Most of the time I don't watch and if no one is screaming then they must be fine.

Whatever happened to sugar and spice and everything nice?

Kailey keeps walking up to random women and asking them if they're pregnant. She seems to think all women have babies in their tummies. She asked my friend this the other day and my friend replied with a laugh, "No, I'm just fat!" Kailey then turned around and announced to the whole room, "Mommy, she's fat!" *head in hands*

Faith wouldn't eat her dinner the other day. I caught her later, sitting on her swing, happily munching on a bowl of cat food. I'm tempted to try it myself since the kids love it so much. I feel like I'm missing out on something.

Kailey took scissors to her hair, which resulted in her waist-length hair becoming a cute, sholder-length cut. She then chopped off a bunch right in front of her face a week later. When I asked her why she did it again, she replied coolly, "It was in my face, Mom". Like, duh.

Sometimes it is all I can do to keep my kids and the cat alive and in one piece. Somedays I think I will be completely insane by the time I'm 30. If I make it that long. I haven't even told you all about the mud pies in the kitchen, insects in their beds, sliding in boxes down the basement stairs, climbing and jumping out of trees, eating sand, and numerous crises and disasters that happen every single day. And they're only -4 years old. How do mothers keep their children alive and well long enough to graduate?!

Now I know why there are mother of pre-schoolers support groups.

I wish I could say that I always love being a mother and that life is a bed of roses. But I don't and it's not. Oh, I have many moments of joy, usually mixed with moments of "that's it, I'm through! I QUIT!!!!" and there's usually more of the former than the later, thankfully. I love my kids, love their creativity and passion for life. But sometimes I wonder "what they heck were we thinking?!" Then Kailey tells me I'm so cute and Faith gives me a huge kiss and Joel falls asleep all snuggly in my arms and I just want to freeze those moments and keep them that way forever.

People keep telling me that they don't stay little forever. My answer? I certainly hope not! ;) Someday I'll miss the sand in their diapers, mud all over them, and crayon-spit "paint" all over the kitchen.

Then again....maybe not......

Never Drive While Hormonal

Seriously. I wanted to kill someone. Or at the very least drive them off the road. I couldn't believe how ticked off every other driver on the road was making me today. Like all the idiots conspired together to be on my path all at the same time. It must be hormones.

Or maybe it was the fact that I'd just tried to go to the Goodwill with all my kids while their daddy was getting his wisdom teeth pulled. It sounded like a good idea. I am in desparate need of some clothes. I just can't ever seem to get to the thrift store, or if I do I spend the money on the kids (why can't they invent clothes that grow with the kids??). So since I had to wait around town for 2 hours I thought, hey, I'll just go see what I can find. Maybe come home with a new top or two. *insert sarcastic laughter* Right. I wasn't in there 5 minutes before all three of those little imps, I mean, children, were fussing. Including the baby who is usually more than happy to be toted around in the Baby Bjorn. But I kept on. Through all the dirty looks and sympathetic stares of the other shoppers, and the escalating noise that I pretended wasn't coming from my cart. ("Gee, whose annoying kids are screaming?? You'd think people could keep their kids under control!!" :P)I kept hanging clothes on the handle of the cart to try on since there wasn't room in the cart for them. It wasn't until I had gone through the entire women's section and stopped at the dressing rooms that I noticed that Faith had been UNhanging them and dropping them on the floor. (!!!) Looking back, I noticed the very efficient clerk picking up one of my shirts and hanging it back up. Gaaa!!! Didn't she have anything better to do than follow me around and pick up the clothes I spent precious time picking out?!?!?! Oh well...two cute tops remained on my cart. I pushed the entire cart, screaming kids and all, into the dressing room and tried them on. They didn't fit. They made me look fat. Why can't they make clothes for real people? And why can't they make 15 passenger shopping carts?

Then the phone rang: "Your husband is ready for you...would you like to come pick him up?" (I only briefly thought about saying no. Only briefly.) I drug the cart out of the dressing room, payed for a couple of dresses for the girls, and piled my crying children into the car. Upon arriving at the surgeon's, I found my very loopy husband trying to explain to me that he was fine with a mouth full of gauze. The nurse told him not to talk.

After arriving at home, everything got worse. Faith wouldn't take a nap and kept finding banana peels to put in the most inconvenient places; Kailey filled a cup full of spit and rubbed it in Baby Joel's hair (who then had to have a bath); I made her go outside where she screamed bloody murder until her grandma came running through to woods thinking one of the kids was dying; Sky just laid on the couch and couldn't even get himself a glass of water (yup, shoulda left him) and I kept cleaning only to turn around and find the girls undoing everything I just did. And I'm still ticked at all the stupid drivers.

But I suddenly remembered something. Earlier, after trying on those two shirts at the Goodwill, I put my own shirt back on. Kailey immediately stopped crying and exclaimed happily, "OOOH! Now you're Mommy again!!" :^) And Faith counted clearly to 5 on her fingers today all by herself, several times, without any prompting (a HUGE step!). So I guess my life isn't so bad after all. Crazy, yes...but at least I'm able to eat my chocolate chip cookie. Unlike my husband who almost agreed to my proposition to stick a cookie in the blender for him. Poor man.

One of these days I'm going to have to get myself some new clothes, though......

What Can I Say? She's My Daughter....

*Disclaimer: I did not actually witness this. So I am not responsible for any action or inaction or any lack of responsible child-training. However, when this little episode was reported to me, I laughed my head off.

There are times when, as a mother, I have to decide when to be motherly and instructive, and when to just laugh. Thankfully, I did not actually witness the scene I am about to describe because I'm not sure if I would've recognized which side of "mother" would have been appropriate at the time.

Kailey spent the night with my sister, Lindsay, and her daughter, Melody. Kailey and Melody are the same age (3) and best friends. Lindsay decided to take the girls to McDonalds, a rare treat for my little country girl. (Actually, it was her first time.) Upon seeing all the fun tubes and balls and slides, she went berserk and wasted no time climbing up the platforms to the tubes. Melody, on the other hand, is a bit shorter and not so athletic so she kept being left behind. A little boy, about age 4, decided to be a gentleman and help Melody up the platforms. So he put his hands under her butt and gave her a boost. She promptly turned around, and, like the polite little lady she is, said "Thank you!". Well, the little boy was quite pleased and tured to give Kailey a boost too. As soon as he put his hands on her butt, she, like the little hooligan she is, promptly turned around and slapped him across his face. (!!!)

He was quite shocked and turned to his dad (who was laughing) and said "She-she HIT me!!!"

"Well,", his wise father replied, "I guess that's a lesson you learned early in life, son."

This same little boy then had a grudge against both Kailey and Melody. He went down a slide ahead of them and wouldn't get off but instead blocked it with his body so they couldn't get past. Melody went down the slide, ran into him, and started screaming because he wouldn't move. Then down came Kailey. She assessed the situation and knew exactly what to do. Grabbing the boy by his collar, she pinned him with her scrawny little arms up against the side of the slide so Melody could pass. (Did I mention he was three times her size??) She was very calm and had a look in her eyes that said "You are annoying me, but I know just how to handle this." He was so surprised he just sat there while Lindsay rushed to his rescue. Kailey dusted off her hands and went back to playing with her cousin. Melody wisely chose to stay close to Kailey for the rest of the day.

I told Lindsay that she didn't get that from me. Lindsay said she told Dad all about it, and Dad said "She got that from her mother". I will defer to my older, wiser, father in this matter. However, I do NOT think my husband's assessment of the episode was very fair at all. I believe his words were something to the effect of: "She's your daughter" Right. As if HE had nothing to do with it!!!!

I'm OK, Really....

I used to think I was pretty "all-together" when it came to homemaking and child-raising skills. Until I had kids. I feel so incredibly stretched thin right now and my house is always a mess and sometimes I don't get a shower or real clothes on until the girls go down for a nap at 2 pm. I'm trying not to get frustrated but not always succeeding. I've really got the whole frustrated-but-amused-and-insane laugh down.

Take today: I wanted to run to the grocery store so when Joel fell asleep I set the girls down in front of the TV and jumped in the shower. I was only in there for 5 minutes, I swear, but when I got out, Kailey had dumped an entire cup of juice over Faith's head (so much for "no-spill cups" ). I then had to clean the floor and stick Faith in the bath tub. Then Joel woke up and wanted to nurse. I started breakfast only to turn around and find Kailey standing on a chair and spitting on the floor. I almost burnt the french toast while disciplining and cleaning up after her. (I can't for the life of me figure out what possessed her to do that.) By the time we ate breakfast, it was after 10. I ate while nursing (again!). Then I laid Joel down, and started to get dressed (yes, everything previously written happened in the buff). I got my jeans on, only to stick my head out the door (the girls were waaaaaay too quiet) to find Kailey on the counter helping herself to the sugar bowl and sharing with Faith who was standing on the floor. After breaking up a few more fights ("it's MY toy!!") and nursing a fussy baby a few more times, I still was wearing only jeans and had half of my make-up on when my husband called me to say he was coming home and would go to the store with me. I about cried in relief. How in the world am I ever supposed to take 3 kids shopping when I can't even get out the door with them?!?!?!?

Well, just goes to show ya that 3 kids 3 and under can throw quite the clinker in one's Perfect Homemaker image. But that's OK. They're worth it. At least, that's what "they" tell me. Now excuse me while I go extract Mr. Potato Head from the VCR...