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Monday, July 25, 2011

On Being "Gracious"




It seems that some people don't like my personal writing method. Apparently I'm not "gracious" enough. I'm too raw, too blunt, not "diplomatic" enough for the delicate eyes of some of my readers. I need to balance truth with a bit more grace. I have to wonder...what, exactly, is their definition of "gracious"? Because as far as I can see, I haven't maliciously attacked anyone. I haven't called names or imputed nasty motives. Mostly I just rip apart pet teachings and ideas. I take white-washed lies and expose them for the filth they are. (Oh, am I allowed to say "filth"? Or is that not gracious enough?) To these folks, "ungracious" actually means "saying anything against accepted religious leaders" and "finding fault with someone's teachings" and perhaps "rocking the boat".

I suppose Jesus could've been more gracious when He drove the money-changers out of the temple with a whip He made with his own hands. I suppose He should've use more diplomacy when calling out the Pharisees and using such ungracious name as "brood of vipers" and "blind guides, fools", "serpents", "murderers", and "white-washed tombs". I think that Paul could've been a bit more understanding and nice when writing the book of 1 Corinthians. He did use some harsh language in that one. Now that I think about it, telling the Galations he wished the religious leaders would mutilate themselves was a bit much. Stephen probably should've used some other words toward the Pharisees than "stiff-necked and uncircumcised" to get his point across. But I suppose he realized that a little too late. And can I just mention that John the Baptist wouldn't know diplomacy if it smacked him in the face?

You see, sometimes exposing ugliness is ugly. You cannot make it pretty or smooth it over with flowery words. You can't polish crap. In the end, it's still crap. Stating that a teaching or a book or an entire seminar is twisting the gospel of Jesus and causing all sorts of damage to the hearts and souls of people is not being ungracious. It's just exposing lies and darkness, which isn't a pretty sight and not for the faint-hearted. It's doing exactly what Jesus, his apostles, the prophets, and all the people of God in the Bible were called to do. If you can't take that, then go find some fluffy bunnies and rainbows and butterflies website to read.

Some of us have more important things to do than make ourselves and others feel good all the time. There's too much at stake here to stick our heads in the sand and ignore the pain, the darkness, and the ugliness. To try to brush it over with pretty pastels and nice pictures. People's lives and souls are at stake here, and I will not try to make that pretty just to keep from offending the sensibilities of people who can't take the reality of the dark side of life and religious addiction. If that makes me ungracious, then so be it. Just count me in with the many people throughout history who weren't afraid to tell it like it is. (Though thankfully I'm not in danger of being stoned, beheaded, or torn apart by lions like most of them were.)

People are being spiritually slaughtered, the Name of Jesus is being dragged through the mud and used to enslave souls, "christians" are pretending none of this happening and attacking others who say it is, and I'm beyond caring whether people think I'm being "gracious" enough. I don't have time for that. I'm too busy pulling people out of the ugliness to spend time making the ugliness sound better than it is so people aren't offended.

27 comments:

  1. Yay! I agree with you completely. And I love you writing style and the passion you employ. Your articles on the problems with the whole courtship thing are beyond amazing, and so true!

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  2. This is the most ungracious post of yours I've read! :P I totally agree. I was surprised at the comments on your courtship article on the new Gothard site. I thought it was a good article, and I could identify way too much.

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  3. From my vantage point...don't change a thing. The truth of these matters is usually ugly, and any attempt to remove the drug of choice from a fundamentalist religious addict will be viewed as less than "gracious".

    You wouldn't lace the intervention of a drug addict with empty Christianese, and this is no different. It'd be a different story if you were just being purposefully mean. You aren't.

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  4. Darcy, I agree completely. Your candor and bluntness are refreshing and so needed. :-) You go right on being you!

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  5. Amen. The time for graciousness is when you are dealing with the souls needing rescue, not the warriors fighting to uphold a false or warped doctrine. And it's funny how so many - though not all - of the ones who cry ungracious are so incredibly ungracious in their dealings with outsiders. But somehow THEIR leaders deserve more slack than that. More understanding. More patience and longsuffering.

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  6. You know when you've hit the nail on the head - it's when people start accusing you of being ungracious. That's when you know you've hit on the truth and people don't like being called out on it. It makes them think and question and that makes the uncomfortable.

    Keep it up!

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  7. I stand behind you 1000 %. {{hugs}}

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  8. You're Awesome Blossom!
    I love your way of words :D

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  9. You are an inspiration. If more people stood up proudly for what they know to be right this world would be a different place. Preach it!

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  10. You've become my favorite blogger at this post! :D

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  11. My husband is actually accused of similar. But he, and you, are completely capable (and quick to) be gracious and gentle when the situation calls for it. And as you point out, there's the rub. :P

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  12. (and somehow, i haven't been following your blog till now! remedied.)

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  13. I think, simplymerry, that you touched on something interesting in your comment. People tend to equate "gentle" with "gracious" and "firm" with "ungracious". Which just isn't true. One can be gentle and still be ungracious and just because I'm firm doesn't mean I'm not gracious.

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  14. Wow, if you are ungracious, what does that make me?

    Don't know, don't care.

    I agree with you. The false doctrines you write about need to be exposed and being gracious, as defined by those you mention, won't get the job done.
    I'm totally behind you.

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  15. I never really used the word crap much until my husband and I had a run in with people who were "Doug Philipeeps" as my friend graciously calls them :D. What these people did to us and our children could only be described with four letter words. Anything else would have been a lie! We endured excommunication from our church, lies spread in the community, and a two year long court case, all because we helped a 22 year old daughter leave her home.

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  16. paula, I am so sorry for what you went through! But good for you for helping that girl! I hope you can tell your story sometime so that others can be warned about these damaging teachings. You're right...there's no other way to describe it and trying to make it sound better just fails.

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  17. I thought you and others might enjoy this: http://www.recoveringgrace.org/

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  18. Char, one of the posts there is mine, and I linked to RG on my last blog post. ;) But thanks for spreading the word about RG! Keep it up!

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  19. Ha ha, I even read that one. Wupsie. :) My old piano teacher is the guy who helped make it.

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  20. NVM, it just didn't show up the last time I looked at your blog. :( Strange.

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  21. THANK YOU, Darcy, for saying exactly what I feel on the subject. People are always telling me I need to be more diplomatic - I choose not to use sarcasm and be scornful or low, but being straightforward is not the same thing as being ungracious. :P

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  22. Don't succomb to the manipulative use of terms like 'ungraciouos' thrown at you by others for the purpose control. This is what is going on at the foundation here - power/control grasping.

    Aren't we all sick, yes literally sick, of these tactics of enslaving, fear-mongering from 'strong leaders' that put us exactly where Christ died to release us from.

    When the Son sets you free, you are free indeed.

    Stand strong on Him.

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  23. Darcy, again you prove yourself to be my hero. :-)

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  24. "You can't polish crap."

    Wiser words are rarely spoken.

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  25. You are much bolder than I and that is something that motivates and encourages me so much! I always find it funny that the people who judge us for being so ungracious are the strict fundies without an ounce of grace to begin with!!

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  26. oh you are so brave!!! I'm still writing with fear and trepidation... eek.

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