You say being your brand of Christian (which, of course, is the True Christian™) is so much better and fulfilling and joyful and free. But I'm not so sure.
Your christianity says "Women submit to men and must be under their authority and have restrictions on what they can do for God and humans, roles they must fulfill, and anything outside these roles is sin and less-than."
But without your christianity, I am equal with my husband and have no restrictions on how I can serve God and others. I and my daughters are free to follow our hearts and dreams and be who we want to be, who we were called and created to be.
Your christianity says "Men must be assertive, leaders, and fit into this box in order to be acceptable as men".
But without your christianity, my husband and sons are free to be whomever they want, and to live their lives without restraints, and to love without boundaries, and to be feeling human beings, and to not worry about being labeled as "not man enough".
Your christianity says "Children must be smacked in the name of God or they will turn into perverts; they were born wicked and it must be trained out of them".
But without your christianity, I am free to treat my children as people, with rights, desires, and minds; free to see them as innocent and beautiful and to treat them with respect and grace and The Golden Rule.
Your christianity says "There are restrictions on gender display and anyone outside that is unacceptable, an outcast, a second-class citizen, an abomination."
But without your christianity, I am free to express my gender however I want and free to love and fully accept people who also do so.
Your christianity says "There are tons of rules and restrictions and laws on how you are to think and act and if you fail those, you are in sin and must repent and if you don't repent, you'll go to hell".
But without your christianity, I am free to live and love and laugh and dance, and to only make sure to treat others how I want to be treated, to respect, love, and honor myself and everyone else.
Your christianity says "Those who don't follow our rules are excluded".
But without your christianity, I am free to include anyone.
Your christianity says "If your child is gay or transgender, they are an abomination and a sinner".
But without your christianity, I am free to love and accept my child exactly as they are.
Your christianity says "Morality trumps love".
But without your christianity, love IS morality, and love trumps all.
Your christianity says "Everything that goes against what our Bible says cannot be true and must not be considered; you must close your mind to every other idea; they are works of Satan to deceive."
But without your christianity, I am free to think critically, to consider all ideas and evidence, to open my mind to all kinds of incredible possibilities, scientific discoveries, historical perspectives, and interesting philosophies, without feeling threatened by them. To see God as so much bigger than the boxes we put Him in, and His creation as "very good".
Your christianity says "Everyone who disagrees is going to hell".
But without your christianity, people are free to be tolerant and kind, even in disagreement, and live not out of fear of punishment, but out of love of people and life.
Your christianity says "Fear and suspect everything from 'The World' " and makes everyone your enemy until proven otherwise, until they join your club and agree with your religion.
But without your christianity, I am free to live with wisdom and discernment, without fear and suspicion, proving what is good and throwing out what is not.
Tell me again why I would want to give up a full life of freedom and love and acceptance and inclusion? Tell me again how your "christian" life is better than my "heathen" one, how your restrictive relationships are better than my inclusive ones? How is anything you are teaching Good News for me? How is the picture you're painting attractive in the least and why would I want anything to do with it? Because, Hell? Is that all you got? It's not really enough for me anymore.
A kingdom ruled by money and fame, kept intact by control and by keeping many of it's citizens at second-class status, shunning people declared not good enough for any number of arbitrary reasons. Top-down power and corruption everywhere. Fighting over everything. Don't question, just obey. Patriarchy. Abuse covered up, victims ignored or blamed. Fear used to control and manipulate. Oppression. Power-hungry leaders lining their pockets with money of the poor. People told to conform to the status quo or leave. "The least of these" squashed, dismissed, or used as pawns in political games. The strong preying on the weak and shooting their wounded. Intolerance and bashing, all disguised as "love" but looks nothing like any love I've ever wanted. Persecution complex. War against those different. People declaring they are special and better than and set apart yet acting worse than the people they think are not as good as they are.
These are what I see when I look at the Church in America. This is what drowns out the people who are still trying to actually follow Jesus. So much ugliness, I am ashamed to call myself Christian. I can't do it anymore. I refuse to associate myself with that label. It is no longer my identity. It only brings up ugliness in the minds of the culture around us (and in my own mind), not love or peace or humanness. Everything is so backwards of what it is supposed to be, what it once was. I am heartbroken and angry and so very done. I love Jesus, and I try to love people. But I cannot in good conscience call myself Christian any more. I'll just be over here, living, trying to love others though imperfectly, but with inclusion and tolerance. Trying to wade through the mess that is my spiritual journey, authentically and with honesty. Trying to raise children who will not perpetuate such pain, who will make the world better, who will fight for the weak and downtrodden, instead of self-righteously stomping them into the ground like my generation has done. Please, don't try to "convert" me. Don't offer empty cliches, I've heard them all before. I used to use them myself. Don't quote Bible verses at me, I can out-quote you and I flat-out don't care. I want nothing to do with American Christianity, though I love so many of you still a part of it and that won't change one bit. I understand why you stay, you beautiful people with hearts of gold. But I cannot stay where I am not welcome, and the people I love are not welcome because we do not fit into neatly labeled boxes. I hope you can understand that too.
I choose love, joy, peace, kindness, honesty, justice, mercy, redemption, equality, and inclusion. It's all I can do anymore.
This is all fine and well and free but I have just one question.
ReplyDeleteWhere will you spend eternity? Does it matter to you?
Just curious.
You can't even know or prove there is an eternity. We're all just hoping and going on faith. I refuse to treat people like shit just so I might buy my way into a heaven that may or may not exist.
DeleteAnd if there's a God that will throw people into hell for being who they are and for loving other people, then he's a shitty god and not worth my time.
DeleteGod is Holy and Righteous and I am fairly certain that what He said in the Bible is true; it's His inspired word after all. I'm can trust in that. And I also believe that He gave the ultimate gift and sacrifice when He sent His son to save us from our sins. I won't toss that aside lightly. I have accepted the gift, repented of my sins and am now living according to what God has taught me through His Word. I think it's really cool that we are created in His image and are His children. :)
DeleteHell is for those who are living in sin and have rejected God's gift of a Saviour. Hell is for those who don't give a damn how they live. And Hell is for those who have rejected God himself. As for me, I strive to live a Holy, righteous life and yes, that does include loving others :) However, I don't condone others sins; esp. when they hurt others with their sinning. Sin is wrong and God hates it. Period. It all started with Adam and the fall...
I'll be praying for you! I care where you end up.
So the bible is true because the bible says it's true? That's what we call "circular reasoning" and is a fallacy. The fact is, no one can really know what happens after you die. And fear of hell is not enough to make me treat others like crap because I think they're "sinners". Why do you think so many Christians are total asses? Because they're afraid if they're not an ass, God will send them to hell. It's all really ridiculous if you step back and look at it critically. The whole world is ridiculing the American church right now because the church looks like a bunch of self-righteous, pompous asses. Jesus said they would know us by our love, but instead they know us by our hate. That's not anything I want to be associated with.
DeleteThankfully, I don't believe God is anything like what the Church preaches. I believe that he who loves, knows God and is born of God; he does not love, does not know God. That those people who serve and care for and feed and cloth other people are His brethren, even when they don't know His name; and that those who "do all manner of miracles" and other good deeds in His name but don't love other people and show it by their actions will hear "I never knew you". (see the parable of the sheep and goats). So don't worry about my soul. Worry about yours.
Christians don't have to be asses. Period. I don't view myself as one. I love others and reach out to others. I love you! I'm not self-righteous; I view myself as no better than anyone else on this planet.
DeleteYes, some Christians are asses; many are actually. Some claim to be humble and lowly and they aren't. They are full of themselves, smart-alecky, prideful and self righteous. Some don't know the meaning of forgiveness and they are bitter toward others.
I'm sorry you don't like me caring about you. I'll stop now because you don't want me to care for you and worry about you.
yes, you're right! Many Christians are asses; self righteous, prideful, arrogant etc.... But that does not change the fact that Christ died for you and me. I know some Christians who are very humble, unselfish, loving and giving; they are genuine and real. They care.
DeleteI'm sorry you don't want anyone concerned for you or caring for you. :(
As for me, I'm not willing to take a chance on Hell. I've prayed about it and I believe God has shown me that I can Trust Him and what He tells me is true.
Dude, your "good news" sucks. Do you really think you'll convince me to follow your rules so I won't burn in hell by throwing cliches at me that I've heard a million times? You forget that I was raised a very conservative evangelical. I know the routine. There's nothing you can say that I haven't heard before or even preached before.You completely missed the point of everything I wrote here. Which doesn't surprise me. Thinking critically outside the box is not a trait most American christians posses.
DeleteAnonymous, I really find myself doubting if you actually read anything Darcy said. We're not saved by calling ourselves Christians. We're not saved by thinking we're right about everything, or by excluding people. And when she said "love is morality and love trumps all," she was only saying what Jesus and Paul both said too.
DeleteWhat she describes is exactly what I've found too-- the only difference is that I still call myself a Christian. But I had to leave behind the kind of Christianity she is describing, and return to simply believing in God, loving Jesus and people. What she calls herself is unimportant. But the fact she cannot find a way to call herself a Christian anymore is an indictment on those who did this to Christianity-- not on her.
I never said we are saved by calling ourselves Christians. We are saved by the grace of God and His son's blood. We accept the gift, repent of our sins (confess them) and are changed by that. I never once said that we are saved by excluding people or thinking we are right about everything. I certainly don't think that way. Remember where I said I wasn't better than anyone else on this earth? I truly do mean it and live it.
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ReplyDeleteWell, I'll always welcome you. :)
ReplyDelete(And since you love Jesus and you love people, I can't think why people would assume you need to be converted).
Because I don't fit their checklist of "True Christian". You know, the one where you're supposed to be submissive to men and hate gay people? :P Because God totally said "Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and be sure to fit this other really long checklist, and you shall be saved." ;)
DeleteUh, no. There is no long checklist for being saved. Believe, repent, confess and live for the Lord. Period ;)
DeleteTeaching as gospel the commandments of men.
DeleteAh. It's how "living for the Lord" is defined that is the problem. It has been turned into a monstrosity that she has every good reason to reject.
DeleteLiving for the Lord- i.e. following what He shows you and tells you- in the Bible and also How he speaks to you on a day by day basis by the Holy Spirit. I don't believe in following "commandments of men" or anything that men tell me to do that isn't in the word of God either. For example, how I dress isn't really addressed in the Bible but many Christians believe they are saved by how they dress.
DeleteSo, I think we already both know there is a lot we don't see eye-to-eye on... but there was also a lot in your post that struck a chord in my own heart.
ReplyDeleteAnd this line, "I love Jesus and I try to love people." - Yeah, that line. Awesome.
Grace to you on your journey, friend!
<3 I appreciate you, Renee. :)
DeleteAbsolutely beautiful. :-) Thank you so much. I no longer have faith but I cherish love and kindness and it fills me with so much joy to meet others who cherish them too.
ReplyDeleteHave you had a chance to watch "Heaven is for Real"? It's a true story that came to theaters on April 16, just two days ago.
ReplyDeleteML
Excellent movie I have heard; can't wait to see it!!
DeleteS
Not to burst your bubble, but this "true" story has since been refuted by the very kid who told the originally told it.
DeleteJust like the entire "Left Behind" books and movies have inspired so so many brainwashed Christians to believe in "The Rapture." No one cares to delve deeper to find out it was based on teenager in Scotland who had a dream about the "end times," and not one single bit of it is actually in the bible...
It's significant, and more than a bit ironic, that the way you describe "Freedom to Love" is essentially what Christ actually taught ("Love your neighbor as yourself," innit?), while the description of "Your Christianity" is what He blasted the Pharisees for teaching. Apparently a lot of these self-styled "Christians" have missed a few very important concepts. Sometimes I wonder if somebody read Matthew 23 and thought it was a how-to manual? That would actually explain a lot.
ReplyDeleteI suggest that it's not you but really the "Church in America" (or at least a noisy subset of it) who are the ones abandoning Christianity.
I truly believe you are right, Eric.
DeleteBut for now, because of what the label means to everyone in this country, christian or not, I cannot identify with it any longer. It doesn't describe me and my faith and what I stand for at all anymore. I'm sure God doesn't mind though. He didn't come up with the label in the first place.
Christian to me means "belonging to Christ" or "of Christ". Christ (Jesus) is who I strive to be like and emulate. It's an honor to be called a Christian; regardless of how other Christians use the name. I don't belong to other Christians and how they act doesn't reflect upon me. I am His and His alone :)
DeleteOn your title you say ' I choose love' but this whole post is so very bitter towards others and very negative however you look at it. I am a christian my whole life but not the kind you grew up with, we believe in Jesus and love people. I know I struggle with so much in my life (like greed, envy, anger, etc) all the time that it is very hard for me to see overall hatred in others (eg: gay people). Most of the time I am dealing with myself and asking God to change my heart. I am not capable of loving everyone for sure. I seriously have a lot of envy issues. I am trying for my #2 baby for 2 years and right now get so angry everytime I hear baby news around me. I have met similar people like me all the time. So to tell I choose to love all the time - I think it is not possible - I think I can only try....
ReplyDeleteNo bitterness here. Although I don't have a problem with bitterness when directed at things deserving of such strong emotions. I am angry, for sure. But that's what happens when you finally admit you've been duped your entire life. Sometimes anger is a very necessary part of healing.
DeleteHeavens to Betsy. I suppose God was never angry. Maybe He has bitterness issues. I am so sick of how, when people try to share something hard that happened to them, or a strong opinion against the prevailing Christian culture, the response from so many, rather than actually looking at what was said and responding, is to say "Oh, my, my dear, you are so bitter."
ReplyDeleteDon't disturb the teacups and roses, sweetie. It may require someone to think, and you know how UNCOMFORTABLE that can be.
Haha! I like to say "rainbow and unicorns". ;) Which my life ain't. Most people's isn't. I'm just one of the few not pretending it is. I have this theory that emotions, especially the "negative" ones, have been so demonized in church pop culture that people are scared to death of them.
DeleteI use it, depending on the day and context. If it associates me with the evangelicals, I don't want to use it.
ReplyDeleteDarcy,
ReplyDeleteI wish to preface what I am about to say by thanking you for opening my eyes to some legalism that I had naively bought into, namely the courtship/anti-dating garbage. I feel exactly where you are coming from with regard to that. It was your posts on that subject, in addition to similar posts by others, as well as having seen actual, good, healthy, Godly dating relationships in real life that caused me to realize how I had actually been sinning against my sisters in Christ by avoiding them (yes, this type of legalism effects guys at least as badly as it does girls, if not worse).
Which brings me to my main point. I can tell you have been hurt by legalism, much in the same way I have, and it breaks my heart to see yet another person who has been scarred by Pharisaical teachings, although by the same token it isn't surprising. Satan loves to let Christians (or people who claim to be) make a bad example for those who are actually trying to glorify God with their lives. If you say you genuinely love Christ and wish to serve him, and serve others in his name, then I have no grounds on which to say anything to the contrary. God is the only one who truly knows your heart, and for that matter, the only one who can do anything to change it. That is why I am not going to try to convince you of anything. God would not be honored in me trying to use arguments to convince you, when the very reason you have made this decision is having been scarred by those who claim to have laid down their lives to know him and make him known. I will be praying for you. Praying that you will someday see a true Church, one where the Word is preached, God is glorified, where people meet the real Christ, and not a man made interpretation of Him, and one where God's sheep are made to live free according to Him, and not slaves to man.
My sincerest apologies in advance if anything I have written has offended you. I am simply trying to encourage you, the Gospel is offensive enough. From what little I know of you, you seem to be a wonderful wife and mother, and I only want you to have maximum joy while serving the Lord. And that may only be done under the love and care of the true body of Christ, not alone, and not in the clutches of the false religion He saved you out of.
In Christ,
-J
I appreciate your comment. I appreciate not being preached at. But I do feel the need to address one thing, something I see a lot in conversations between those that leave the church and those that stay. You said: "the very reason you have made this decision is having been scarred"
DeleteI really dislike this statement. It implies that my choices are made purely on experience and emotion. Which is not true in the least. While my experience has definitely influenced my spiritual journey, I do not make choices in my life that have not been thoroughly analyzed and critically thought through. My personal beliefs are the product of critical thinking and studying, not a reaction to outside influences. My experiences have opened my eyes to things that I may not have seen as easily, such as the way the Evangelical church treats people who do not conform. But do not for a moment think that what I choose is not the the product of critical thinking, reasoning, and logic. It is very condescending to assume that people walk away from church based on emotionalism; to assume that reason and logic have nothing to do with their choices. Because I guarantee you that people like me have very thoroughly and agonizingly through through our choices, actions, and beliefs. We have arrived at our beliefs and convictions through much deliberating and can very logically lay out why we believe what we do and why we have chosen the path we have.