Searching....

I feel....empty. No, that's no quite right. I feel like I'm searching for something and I can't find it. Spiritually, something is lacking. I go to church, hopeful for that elusive Something. I look for it while reading articles from really spiritually-together people. While interacting with friends, online and in real life. But I can't find it. I sit and listen to the sermon at church, waiting, hoping for the piece that will fall into place and make everything make sense. But instead, I find myself cynically replying to everything the preacher says. "God will always take care of us!" (except when He ...doesn't.) "Everything happens for a reason" (even that little girl that was abducted the other day? God better have one hell of a reason for that.) "Ask Him to show You where He wants to heal your heart" (I've been asking a long time, Lord...) "Isn't God good?" (Maybe. Sometimes. Then there's those other times...) "Lord, we pray for Your hand of healing on Brother Smith" (Right. Because that works.) "Lord, thank you so much that you spared Sister Jones' house from the fire" (what about the other houses that didn't get spared? Why do we give God all of the credit and none of the blame?)

I feel so guilty for thinking such things. I pray, but with no faith. I want to, but praying with faith didn't make much of a difference. I know that Jesus is a huge part of my life. That He cares about me and about my family. That's He's healed me from so much pain and sin and He's directed my life in obvious ways. I try so hard to listen and believe but I can't help the barrage of cynical questions and thoughts that bombard my mind. I try to talk about it with others but I'm only met with tired cliches and Christianese. It just isn't enough anymore! I'm so tired of hearing them. I need answers, real ones. And I'm wondering if there's anyone out there in Christendom who can give them to me.

I'm tired of church. I go only to find community. I love the people, the friends we've made, the community we've formed. But church...even some of the songs we sing drive me crazy. It's not the church's fault. Honestly, this church we're attending is great. The people are passionate and sincere, and the preaching is full of grace and truth. I feel accepted and loved. But for some reason, it's not enough. Enough to answer the burning questions and fill the void in my heart.

Why can't we get a break and get ahead financially?
Why can't God help us find a job that would be easier for our family?
Why do little children have to suffer at the hands of adults?
Why does my daughter have to struggle with autism?
Why doesn't God heal people?
What good does following Him really do?
If God isn't inept, that seems to make Him aloof and uncaring....

And if one more person tell me to "just take your questions to Jesus" I'm going to blow. What do they think I'm doing?? I read my Bible and all I get is more questions. I used to be so optimistic and passionate and now I don't feel much of anything except cynicism. And I hate that! I am craving community, close friendships, someone who won't either freak out or offer pad-answers when I ask questions. I sat in church on Sunday and I looked around at eager people soaking up the Word of God and I wondered, What's wrong with me? I listen to my friend tell me her problems yet still saying "but I know that God will work it all out" and I think, I used to say that. Do I still believe that? I don't know. What happened? Life, I suppose.

I think we're missing something. That Christianity, with all it's ministries, programs, churches, worship, and VBS's is missing something. There's should be so much more to this thing we call "church", this label "Christian". But I walk into a church and it's like time freezes around me, and I'm the only one still moving while everyone else is frozen and I can see all the happiness and joy on people's faces but I can't be there, experience it with them. I want to reach out and connect but I can't. Am I the only one that feels like this doing church isn't enough? Everyone else seems perfectly content while I sit here, frustrated and lonely. And doubting. I just can't seem to reconcile what I read about God with what I am experiencing on a daily basis.

I crave a real relationship. With a real God. Not the God everyone has neatly in their church-defined boxes. But the God of the Bible Who came through for His people in mighty ways. I crave community. Not Sunday morning "let's stand and worship the Lord". But Monday night Bible-study-turned-comforting-and-holding-up-the-broken-ones. Friends that do life together. Fellowship that you literally cannot live without. I've seen glimpses of this amazing life. And it leaves me wishing, longing, grasping for more. And tired of missing it.

Does this resonate with anybody?

What's With the Comments?

So Blogger is being wacked out. Several people have thought I deleted their comments when I didn't. Honest! The comments seem to be coming and going at will. I would never delete someone's comment just because they disagreed with me. I welcome discussions and dissenting opinions. =) So please, know that the only reason I would delete a comment is if it were mean, crude, or vulgar. So sorry about the confusion! I hope it gets fixed soon. Peace to you.

Just Try Harder and Do Better

I read something that really ticked me off. It came from this blog. I don't like the Botkin's teachings anyway, but this...this tops my list of Worst Blog Posts Ever. I hurt to think about the poor girls that are going to read this and get the messege "There is something wrong with you, you need to try harder". At best, it's confusing and contradictory. At worst...it's driving the arrow of shame and blame deeper into the hearts of girls everywhere who want to know why they aren't married yet. It is their response to the so-called "Marriage Crisis" and it is a painful thing to read.

First they claim:

If there is a problem, we believe it’s not that so many young people are not married – it’s that so many young people are not ready to be married. The capper is that we have such low standards for ourselves that we don’t even realize it.
Let’s be honest with ourselves about the ways we’ve been compromised by our society, usually without knowing it. We are still swaying to the beat of our culture’s drum, in many of our attitudes, our affections, our expectations, and our actions. Many of us have picked up Hollywood ideas about what men should be like, and what makes a good match. We’re often double-minded, with our convictions and our affections running in two different directions, looking for a man that will somehow gratify both. Many of us claim to be preparing for godly wifehood, but actually are doing so with a narcissistic and feministic self-focus. We often have lofty demands for suitors (well, not that lofty – just that they be Jonathan Edwards in Edward Cullen’s body), but love ourselves just the way we are. So the men we want to marry often don’t really exist – and if they did… well… why would they want to marry us?

How can they be serious? They are insulting every sincere, Godly young lady I know. Oh yeah, and the feminists, of course. Seriously, I don't know any girl who wants only "Johnathan Edwards in Edward Cullen's body".

Thanks to cultural confusion, personal baggage, or pendulum swings, guys and girls are can have a hard time knowing how to have relationships with each other.

Unbelieveable. So instead of laying the blame for dysfuntional opposite-sex relationships where it belongs, which is squarely on the sholders of people who teach what they and other ultra-conservative teachers proclaim, they lay it on the feminists, the culture, and the girls themselves. What?!?! This is so absurd. The reason that homeschoolers of my generation have skewed ideas about guy-girl relationships is admitted far and wide by we and our parents who are honest enough. Because, as a result of a pendulum swing against the culture, our parents were a little too over-zealous about promoting ideas such as courtship, betrothal, and "emotional purity", to the point that girls are afraid of speaking to guys and guys are scared to death of even looking at a girl. We bought hook, line, and sinker that if we "gave away pieces of our hearts" that we would have nothing left to give The One someday. And, thanks to a certain author that wears a fedora and will remain nameless, we had nightmares of all our "crushes" standing at our marriage alter claiming us for their own. Is it any wonder that we can't have normal, healthy relationships with each other??

There are, by the way, plenty of people who have maturely avoided these mistakes, or repented of them. Among our friends, they are getting married. (If panicky singles would start looking outside of their own situations, they might notice all of the wonderful marriages taking place.)

Right. All you "panicky" single girls should forget your own fears and notice that I, Darcy, am married. Then you won't feel so bad. Yeah, that's helpful. This is like putting salt in the wound of so many girls who want to be married and aren't. I'm married, and I'm insulted.

Whether or not the young men, fathers, and leadership involved have behaved infallibly is not our place to say; we are here to point out that we girls have no business fixating on anyone’s faults but our own. This is partly a point of Christian charity and proper jurisdiction. It’s also a point of having to be honest with ourselves. After all, in any one of our individual cases, the problem just might be: Us.

While I agree that blame-shifting isn't helpful, they then go on to do just that: Blame the single girls for being undesireable marriage material. It's painful to read.

This next section completely blew me away:

For every girl we know asking why so few young men are “ready,” we know a young man asking where the ready and eligible girls are. Our brothers and their friends have told us that many of the qualities girls have cultivated to make themselves “eligible” are things that won’t come up on young men’s radar screens, and the qualities the young men are most looking for have been neglected.
There are many girls who look prepared to be good mothers and good housekeepers, but not to be capable helpmeets. Our brothers and their friends have told us that they’re not looking for mere live-in maids and nannies; they want wives who would be capable of coming alongside them in the rigors of their lives; being engaging, iron-sharpening companions; and assisting them in business, ministry, adventure, risk, conquest, and uncertainty. The young men we know are asking, “Where are those girls?”

Where are THOSE girls?? Those are the girls who these people label as feminists because they dare to believe that God has gifted and called them too, not just the men, and they are the ones living out those callings. They are the girls who aren't staying home practicing to be Daddy's helpmeet and learning for years on end how to cook and clean and tend babies. They are the girls who are living for Christ, some inside and some outside their parent's homes, who have been sent into the world to fulfill their callings as daughters of God. They are the ones who have been ignored, looked down on, and labeled rebellious feminists and "harlots" for leaving their father's "protection" and learning how to live life and walk with Jesus. This is amazing. These people preach for years what a "Godly young woman" should do and be and now the guys want something else!!! And they blame the poor girls?!?!

The rest of the article is nothing but "try harder, do more, be better" and other such shame-heaping tactics. The messeges that I see loud and clear are "You aren't measuring up; you need to try harder; there is something wrong with you and that's why you aren't married yet; here's 4 steps to ensuring you are marriagable material". Then they contradict themselves by saying that God is actually the One in control of when you marry so try not to fret. But, in the meantime, you aren't good enough, you need to do better.

Girls, if any of you are single and have read this, please, don't believe it. You aren't "the ugly step-sister". You are a beautiful princess of the Most High God. These messeges of "try harder" will only break an already hurting heart. This is a burden that is way too much for you to bear. You are "accepted in the Beloved" and no amount of trying harder is going to make you better or ensure that someone will love you. The Botkins were right about one thing: God is writing your story. I don't have answers for you. I can't tell you what to do to fulfill your heart's desire for marriage. I don't know why God gave me my husband at such a young age while others are still waiting. And I don't pretend to know the ache you have for love. But this I do know: you are so loved! You are worthy because God made you so, not because you did everything right. Dear sisters, don't listen to the lies that tell you you don't measure up. You are beautiful, you are loved, and you are blessed, wherever you are, in whatever season you're in.

I speak out against such lies as this article because I see the damage that they do and I ache for the ones whose hearts are weighted down by them. Listen to the words of the One who made you:

"Fear not, for I have redemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine...Since you have been precious in My sight, you have been honored, and I have loved you."

"Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformedl And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me when as yet there were none of them. How precious are your thoughts toward me, Oh God! How great is the sum of them!"

This is the truth and don't you ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Oh yeah, as a parting shot, the girls that wrote the article said this:

People sometimes ask why we, at the ages of 22 and 24, are not yet married. The only answer we can give is that God has not ordained for us to be married yet, and that is, like all His other works, “very good”; we are enjoying the extra time to labor with our family, to prepare ourselves more fully, and to “occupy until ‘he’ comes.” As much as we pray for godly marriages, there is much to rejoice about in the calling of visionary daughterhood.

So, every other girl isn't married because they aren't ready or good enough, but these girls are still single because "God has ordained" it?? This should be enough to negate the rest of this ridiculous, unhelpful, and burdensome article in the minds of every thinking woman who read it.

10 Truths About The Man You Marry

I've been listening a lot lately. Reading. Paying attention to conversations among single, homeschooled girls, usually between the ages of 17 to 25. They have these huge long lists of requirements for the man they will marry. Some of those requirements sound really spiritual and righteous and good. Some of them make me laugh. Some make me shake my head. I want to say "you do realize you'll be marrying a man, right?" :P

It's fine to be idealistic. You should know what you want and what you don't. But some of the things I've been hearing from these young girls lately make me think that they don't have a clue...about marriage, expectations, and reality. Not to mention men. They moan and groan about how "there aren't any Godly men out there" or "no man is following Jesus as passionately as I am!" or "I just can't find anyone that fits my criteria". And if they do, and they manage to get married, they're shocked to eventually find out that the guy they married is *gasp!* not Mr. Perfectly Right after all!!

Well, girls, let me tell you a few things that your mother never told you and my mother never told me about the man you marry (or are married to) that might help you make the transition between starry-eyed Prince Charming and Mr. I Leave My Dirty Socks On The Floor. The "worse" part of that "for better of for worse" thing. So, here it is...my incomplete, ever-changing, slightly humorous but perfectly serious list about Men.

1. He will not always be your knight-in-shining armor.
Sometimes he'll stay on his butt when he should get up and fight. Sometimes he'll need you to put on the armor and fight for him. Sometimes he won't know he's supposed to be fighting. But that doesn't mean he loves you less or is abdicating his position as your husband. It doesn't mean he's "less spiritual" or that you somehow made a mistake and married the wrong man. It mean you married a human being with flaws....just like you. Love him anyway.

2. He won't always every second be a "strong spiritual leader".
He's going to have doubts. He might get angry at God and not want to speak to Him for a while. He might fall into sin and struggle for a time. He might even question whether God exists or not. He might refuse to go to church once in a while. This doesn't mean your family won't be blessed or your children will grow up as little heathens. It doesn't mean that it will always be this way. It means you married a human being with questions in his heart...just like you. Show him grace anyway. God will always finish what He started. You don't have to finish it for Him.

3. He may not always be able to "adequately provide" for your family.
Because shit happens. He might lose his job and not be able to find another for a long time. You might get your house foreclosed on. Or have to frequent the food bank. You might even have to go to work for a time. He may have to take a job that keeps him away from the family for weeks on end just so you can pay the rent and eat. Even if you start the marriage with a great job, there is no guarantee it'll last forever. In this day and age creativity and hard work will only take you so far. It is not his fault, so don't sit there and bemoan your fate. It's hard enough on a man to think he's failing at being a good provider without having his wife berailing him or even silently disapproving. Get up, be willing to do what it takes, be a team and help him out however you can. Show him you believe in him. Support him anyway.

4. He will not always agree with you on spiritual matters.
See, people change. It's just our nature. You could both be Calvinists when you marry and still, somewhere down the road, one of you might change your mind. Usually, as a married couple, you will change together. But that's not a guarantee. You will have to be willing to live with someone who believes differently than you. Hopefully you will both be willing to communicate and study things out together, but that doesn't mean you'll always come to the same conclusions. This is perfectly OK and normal. It doesn't mean that you aren't in unity or working as a team for the Kingdom. I assume you go to a church where there are differences in opinions yet you are all still working toward the same goal. This is the beauty of unity in diversity. Put on love, which is the glue that holds us all together (Col. 3:14) and respect him and his opinions anyway.

5. He will forget to be romantic.
Men do that, I'm afraid. They get into a rut and forget to think about roses and stuff. Or else they totally miss your efforts at romance. Like the time you sent the kids to Grandma's and made a dinner for two complete with candles and soft music. And he walked in the door, mumbled something at you, and jumped in the shower without a word about you standing there in a sexy dress in the candlelight. It happens. Doesn't mean he's not into you or doesn't appreciate your efforts. It just means he didn't notice. Period. No alternative motives there. My advice? Forget dinner and the dress and go get in the shower with him. I guarantee he'll notice that.

6. Sometimes he'll need his space.
Maybe he just needs to go fishing, or spend some time with his buddies, or veg out watching TV. Or perhaps he just needs time away to collect his thoughts, quiet his heart, and do something crazy and out of the ordinary. Without you. Don't get me wrong, couples need to adventure together. It is vital to their relationship. But as individuals, we also need our time to ourselves. Men seem to need this more than women. It doesn't mean he's tired of you or is neglecting his duties as husband and father (unless he IS, but that's another subject). Give him his space and a little grace and when he comes home recharged and roaring you'll be thankful you did and feel silly you ever took offense. He'll also be more willing to watch the kids so you can have a night out too. See? Advantageous to all.

7. He wants a playmate.
Most men want women who aren't afraid to try crazy things with them. Who enjoy some of the same activities as they do. Who will be willing to forgo the dishes and laundry and pile the kids into the car to go exploring. Who aren't afraid to get down and get their hands dirty. Even if you fail miserably, you'll make points just trying. Just being willing. (Kudos to the man who offers to help do the dishes before taking off to go camping, but that's another subject, too.) It's hard sometimes in the nitty-gritty of life with kids to remember what "fun" even means. Thankfully, my husband reminds me often. And makes sure we all get to have fun together. Before kids, being playmates wasn't that difficult. We only had eyes and time for each other. Now it's harder and we both have to pitch in to even get out the door, but it's just as rewarding.

8. There will be times when you have to fight for him.
As I said earlier, women have to be fighters too. Our marriages, our men, are worth fighting for. We cannot sit around with the "maiden mentality" thinking that he's the one who's supposed to be wielding the sword and slaying the dragons. Maybe he is. But so are we. Women can be fierce. We have to be. There's too much at stake and we have too much to lose. Men get discouraged too, ya know. They need rescuing sometimes too. They need to know we are fighting for them and with them. That we are fiercely loyal and won't give up on them. Honestly, why do we expect them to be supermen and always come through for us and yet not do the same for them? Are we not a team? Pushing for the same goal? Then, girls, get off your butt and out of your kitchen and fight! Fight like women, cunning as serpents, gentle as doves. When life gets him down and the Enemy tries to steal his heart, don't take it personally...fight for him. In prayer, in your actions, never compromising truth, your love for the Lord, and your love for your husband. Show the Enemy that he underestimated you when he started picking on your beloved. The world needs women who know how to fight like girls.

9. There will be times when you have to stand up to him.
Unless he's perfect, he is going to make at least a few bad decisions that have even worse consequences. The worst thing, the most unloving thing you could do would be to keep your mouth shut and just go along with them. Does the command to lovingly and respectfully rebuke a brother in error not apply in a marriage? You must be wise and have discernment to know when to let it go and when to speak up. You must decide which mountains to defend and which molehills aren't worth it. A good man values his wife's opinions. But that doesn't mean he always appreciates them in the heat of the moment. Don't take it personally. And don't back down from addressing damaging behavior. Some of the worst marriage advice I've heard is the idea that we should always let our husbands make bad decisions and just go along with them. Sure, you might avoid an argument, but is that a good motive for not standing up for what's right? Stand up respectfully, lovingly, and in a spirit of humility and gentleness, as you would toward anyone you love...but stand.

10. Men aren't as big and tough and they like to think they are.
Actually, that big and tough front often hides insecurities and fear. One word from you and you can unknowingly dash all his dreams to the floor. Or validate and encourage them. The very act of trusting you with his heart is super scary to a guy. Guys are vulnerable too. They get their hearts broken just like we do. We hold their hearts in our hands and it is a sobering thought. Think of your own heart and how an unkind word from him can break it. His is no different. Of course, don't ever let on that you know this.......;)

This is not meant to be a downer post. And I don't claim to have all experience and wisdom. I'm young, and I've only been married 6 years. But it sure didn't take me long to figure some of these things out. Thankfully, I had no list and not many expectations before I met my husband. I remember telling God "surprise me" because I knew He knew what I wanted more than I did (side note: don't tell God that unless you mean it).

I love my man. He can make me madder than a hornet and happier than anything in the world...all in one hour! I did have the advantage of knowing him very well for a long time before we married. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into (and so did he, by the way, though he tries to say otherwise). Most of all, I saw him...I saw his heart and I saw that it was good. I saw the man that God is shaping him into and I loved him. Even now, when things get hard and he loses his way, I can still see his heart, I know who he is, even when he forgets. Love is tenacious that way. If I had a list, he probably wouldn't have matched it (certainly didn't match the one my parents had). I just knew that I would find my man when I could look into his heart and love what I saw there.

So don't marry a man because he fits your description of Mr. Perfectly Righteous Godly Man. And don't pass someone up because he doesn't. God looks at the heart. Which is a practice we could use a little more of.

Guest Posts

Hey, y'all,

Hillary, at Quivering Daughters, graciously asked me to expound on a comment I left a few days ago. So head over to Quivering Daughters and check out my guest posts, "Abusing Abuse?"

Watch out, girls!

This smile is going to be the undoing of many feminine hearts in the years to come.

Joel's Birth Story

*I posted this a few months ago on Facebook and decided to add it to my blog.

So here it is for those of you who asked me about it. As a warning, I'm not embarrassed or hesitent in the least to talk about body parts and functions so if you've got a problem with that, don't read this. :^)

I'm just gonna say that if given the choice between a fast, intense labor or a slow, gradual one, I'll take the slow, gradual one. It made all the difference in the world to have time to breathe in between contractions. I am so glad I got to experience a "normal" labor and delivery. For those of you who don't know, my girls' births were very short and extremely intense, pretty much unbearable. I was slightly worried about going through that again and had been praying, reading, and focusing all summer on how to deal with that type of labor again. Turns out, I didn't need to worry (do we ever??).

I woke up at about 4 am Sunday morning with what I knew were labor contractions and lots of bloody show (I actually lost my mucus plug the week before). The contractions were hard and uncomfortable, but they were really irregular and mostly about 20 min. apart. I got up at 7 and told Sky I'd been having contractions but they didn't seem to be going anywhere fast and I was going to take a shower and get ready for church and just see what happened. The answer: Nothing. :P Just kept doing what it was doing. I was really uncomfortable, but we went to church anyway. I ended up standing/walking around the back of the church since sitting didn't feel very good. I'm glad I went because it was better than sitting at home being bored AND uncomfortable. I'll never forget the look on one of our elder's face when he asked me when the baby was gonna come and I said "today, probably". It was priceless. He looked at me like he was afraid I meant right then and there.

We went home, my mom and Julie came, I called my midwife to put her on stand-by, and we waited...all day. I was annoyed because I knew I was in labor but nothing was happening. I was so used to labor starting with a bang and ending with a baby 3 hours later. Lindsay (my other sister) came and started doing some reflexology moves on me (she's a massage therapist) to get the labor going, and we all went to bed. I thought she was pretty brave coming for the birth since she was going to have a baby in a few months herself.

I slept off and on, and woke when my water broke at about 3:30 am. Finally!! I walked around until the contractions got really painful then I took a shower....for 2hours (thank God for a tankless hot water heater!). The hot water really made a huge difference in pain management. To focus on staying relaxed through the contractions, I sang/hummed the song "You Grace Is Enough" in a low, throaty voice the entire time (it had been stuck in my head since the band played it at church the previous morning, lol). It was good to have something to focus on, and keeping my throat open and relaxed helped to keep my entire body relaxed. One of the midwives came in a few times with a Doppler to check the baby's heartbeat, and occasionally someone would stick their head in to ask if I was alright. At one point, my midwife said if I wanted to have the baby in the shower, Sky would have to deliver it because she wasn't going to. :^)

Sky came in to check on me just as I couldn't stand there anymore and had felt the baby move down. I went into our bedroom where my mom, sisters, and midwives were having a party and knelt on the floor. I was pretty much in a hand-and-knees position, with my head resting on the bed. Turned out to be a good choice, since Joel was so big and that's the best position for bigger babies. With Sky and Lindsay sitting on the bed holding me up, I started pushing and couldn't believe how long it took to push that baby out! It was so different than the last two times. But the nice difference between this birth and my last two was that I could breathe and rest in between the contractions. It was soooooo nice!! I was even able to make snide remarks at people and drink some water between contractions. At one point I thought for sure his head was about to crown and my mom says "I see a little patch of hair!" and I replied "That's IT?!?!" I finally got his head out and I kept waiting for the rest of him to slide out but I had to push several more times. His head came out to his chin, then one sholder at a time, then I got him out to his waist, THEN he finally decided to pop the rest of the way out. (Later, we discovered that his chest was bigger around than his head. Also, he had a very long cord, which was wrapped around his neck and under one arm.) The good part about him taking his time was that I didn't tear at all. My mom caught him. I heard her chuckle then say "So, Dad, what is it?" and Sky said "Um, that's a boy."

I reached down to pick him up and thought he felt heavy for a newborn. Turns out, he was 8 lbs, 12 oz. It was funny, really. Because everyone had been telling me for the past 3 months how small I was and how I was going to have a little baby. I kept telling them that I could feel where his butt was and where his head was, and that this baby wasn't as small as they thought. Of course, I was right. :)

It was such a peaceful birth. I never once lost control or freaked out like I did last time (which was an answer to prayer). I love having my babies at home in a comfortable, relaxed environment. It's such a blessing to me to be able to have that choice. It was my easiest birth yet, even if it was the longest. And the biggest baby! I'm glad he was a week early or he would have been over 9 lbs! At his 1-week check-up he weighed 9 lbs 4 oz, and at his 3-week check, he weighed 10 lbs 4 oz. His daddy said half of that was hair.

His sisters fell instantly in love with him. They slept through the whole thing and woke up an hour after he was born. Mom brought Kailey in to see him when she woke up. She looked at him for a second, then held her arms out and said "Give it to me!". She then had to unwrap him and examine all his toes and fingers (which he didn't appreciate) and almost didn't give him back to me. She calls him "my baby" and hovers around anyone else who holds him. Faith pats him on the head and kisses him like he's a kitty cat. They both want to help me burp him and they both go running when he starts crying in the other room. It's pretty crazy around here with 3kids 3 and under. People keep telling me it'll get easier....I hope they're right. :P