tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post7510242750006018551..comments2024-02-16T19:07:42.535-08:00Comments on Darcy's Heart-Stirrings: A Love Story, Part 5Darcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03702441292981376229noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-51503234288339908922011-02-09T09:09:54.382-08:002011-02-09T09:09:54.382-08:00It is sad and that's a good question. As I thi...It is sad and that's a good question. As I think about what went wrong and what to do with my own kids, I think I'm understanding a little more. I think the answer has many facets to it.<br /><br />It started when I was very little. I remember every time I tried to share my heart, or how I was feeling with my mom, I was told not to feel that way, or brushed off, or that I needed to "examine your heart" to make sure there wasn't any sin or rebellion. After enough times of this happening, I eventually quit trying. The last time I tried this, I was 12 years old. I was looking at pics of American landmarks in the living room and Mom was reading a book. I stated that I really wanted to visit the Bad-lands because there was something wild and untamed about their beauty. My mom looked at me for a second and said "Well, you need to examine your heart and make sure there isn't something rebellious there". I distinctly remember thinking: I will never try to share my heart with you again. Right or wrong, that's what I did.<br /><br />So fast forward to being a teen-almost-adult, and going through some real heart issues, struggling to work through stuff, there was no way I could tell them. I just knew they'd be mad, then they'd accuse me of all manner of wrong, and tell me to dismiss the feelings and not talk to Sky again. (Which is exactly what happened when I DID tell them a year later.) There was no talking about it. No discussion. Just lectures. And teen isn't going to completely shut down when lectured at? When their heart and real feelings are dismissed or critisized?<br /><br />I think, as a mom, that if you desire the privilege of friend and guide to your teens, then you need to earn that place when they're very small. I'm so glad you had this with your daughter. My heart still wrings when I see beautiful mother-daughter relationships. My sisters and I often said that we were jealous of other girls who could talk to and were friends with their moms. It breaks my heart to think that my relationship with my own daughters could fall short of that. <i>But I firmly believe that it's MY job to cultivate that relationship RIGHT NOW, while they're little.</i> To be the kind of mother that my kids want to be friends with. I do not believe it is my right to guide my teen's lives. It is a privilege that I must earn and must be granted by teens who trust me with their heart because I showed when they were small children that I was safe and could be trusted.<br /><br />My mom was great in other ways: she was an awesome teacher, for example. She's a great friend to other moms, and always willing to help someone in need. But heart-issues were definitely not her strong-point.Darcyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03702441292981376229noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-33138230168438723252011-02-08T18:40:30.276-08:002011-02-08T18:40:30.276-08:00I don't know if you'll see this...but I...I don't know if you'll see this...but I'm wondering why you didn't talk to your parents about your feelings and your confusion? Maybe this is where parents lose it..in wanting the very best for their children and trying to safeguard them...we forget to be approachable? <br />My daughter recently married, it was a beautiful courtship and wedding. I can't imagine if she'd never come to me and talked to me about the guys she liked or thought were cute/nice/steady/godly/jerks etc during her teen years. Those are some of the most precious memories I have with her. <br /><br />I still think courtship is the way to go...but reading your story thus far has made me decide to be ever conscience of making sure my children know I'm approachable and that I will listen to them. It is sad that during one of the most special times in your life you felt cut off from communication with your mom and dad.Folky Dotshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08674337425926286919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-73128762307923641092010-03-06T14:54:57.714-08:002010-03-06T14:54:57.714-08:00Your certainty about sky and that you knew you wer...Your certainty about sky and that you knew you were going to marry him is amazing. I am enjoying your love story thus far.....Jackiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08031465320721586310noreply@blogger.com