tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post6532370153423314262..comments2024-02-16T19:07:42.535-08:00Comments on Darcy's Heart-Stirrings: I Was You OnceDarcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03702441292981376229noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-82701805227489900862015-11-15T23:26:36.834-08:002015-11-15T23:26:36.834-08:00Thank You for this, Darcy! Just now came across fr...Thank You for this, Darcy! Just now came across from a comment on one of your Courtship exposing articles, and it hit right in the heart. I just got out of that environment and still trying to get out of the mindset. I used to be judgmental of people like you. Now, I stand alongside you. I used to be a holier-than-thou type. Now, I just try to live the way God wants me to and discover my own convictions.<br /><br />God Bless You, Darcy!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-67345666832199614592015-11-15T23:08:36.967-08:002015-11-15T23:08:36.967-08:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-70513438125121081902014-02-16T10:33:46.089-08:002014-02-16T10:33:46.089-08:00Thank you. I just found this today and it made me ...Thank you. I just found this today and it made me cry. I was a homeshcooling mom for 14 years and I dressed like 'that girl'. Now I am 60 years old and I dress to please myself and my husband. My old self would have been very judgmental of me.Christine Faourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10395445005900886961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-83855344684544061822014-01-16T11:20:55.711-08:002014-01-16T11:20:55.711-08:00Thank you, Darcy, this made me cry because this is...Thank you, Darcy, this made me cry because this is my story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-66298285637001340212013-10-09T15:02:41.892-07:002013-10-09T15:02:41.892-07:00I prefer modest dress, but I suspect that what I c...I prefer modest dress, but I suspect that what I consider modest would in no way be modest enough for Quivering-type folks. I was the only so-called 'secular' homeschooling mother in our group - I'll never forget the day I went to a social event at another homeschooling mom's house, wearing a long-sleeved white Oxford cloth shirt and decent ordinary blue jeans and paddock boots - the looks I got from all the women in shapeless calf-length jumpers with worn out turtlenecks AND sweatpants on underneath!! - I never went back. Those women may well prefer to dress like that, but do their daughters really have any choice in the matter? No. They really don't.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-21683768454037461712013-10-03T11:31:38.091-07:002013-10-03T11:31:38.091-07:00Daniel - I like what you said above. So true.Daniel - I like what you said above. So true.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-70799192874666879462013-09-20T12:31:09.682-07:002013-09-20T12:31:09.682-07:00Darcy, thank you for this wonderful post.
I am a ...Darcy, thank you for this wonderful post.<br /><br />I am a guy, and even I have been affected by this doctrine of modesty – negatively, I might add. For years, I was ashamed of going to be beach because I would be seeing the “half-naked whores” on the beach, and it really bothered me. There were times where I’ve even tried to end my own life because of these teachings. God knows our hearts, our souls and our bodies. Our sexuality is not a bad thing, neither are our bodies. Our relationship with God is not affected by what we wear or don’t wear, God still loves us. The female body is not the problem with man’s lust, man’s heart is the problem, and it’s because of man’s sinful heart that we lust. Wanting to see a woman’s body is not lust, it’s a desire given by God. Liking the form of a woman’s body is not sinful, it’s something that God gave us also.Danielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04090992843836029889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-21102646451208703402013-08-01T01:11:58.491-07:002013-08-01T01:11:58.491-07:00I was almost that girl you were writing to...with ...I was almost that girl you were writing to...with a few major differences. I never knew how to wear those clothes the other girls wore - so I wasn't looking on with envy, I just sort of blocked it out. The damage to me was that it was a time of my life where I needed to learn how to find a style, embody it, and express myself visually. But instead, I had this modesty thing going on, and so I didn't have to learn any of that. Years later, when I threw off the patriarcy shackles, I didn't know HOW to combine clothing and make pretty work right. I didn't know how to do it. And I still couldn't figure out - what was normal clothing supposed to look like on me? I still kept buying everything a size too large... And, I'm still single, at 38 years old. Told myself the "right guy" would look past all that and love me anyway. Instead, all these amazing right guys kept passing me be. Some life realities are learned the hard, hard way. I really want children. I don't know if I will find anyone while I still have time - people aren't looking for 38 year olds to start families with. *sigh*Lorinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-3337754880741336582013-06-09T14:02:35.433-07:002013-06-09T14:02:35.433-07:00Thank you, thank you, thank you for your post.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your post. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-2024840098770726102013-05-12T01:51:50.490-07:002013-05-12T01:51:50.490-07:00This was me...part of this still IS me...
Thank yo...This was me...part of this still IS me...<br />Thank you sooo much for writing this! <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-31280244194395453992013-03-04T10:34:36.462-08:002013-03-04T10:34:36.462-08:00This touched my heart and reminds me of the friend...This touched my heart and reminds me of the friends I know still living in this kind of life. It really grieves my heart because I've been there and I know how it feels! Thanks for writing this,Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623118246906724359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-2701724123883754762013-02-21T15:12:43.084-08:002013-02-21T15:12:43.084-08:00Me too. I always see the girls I used to be, but t...Me too. I always see the girls I used to be, but there's nothing I can do for them except hope that they get the courage and support they need to run away from that!Andreahttp://fromdarknessintolight.tumblr.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-39668847966223937032013-01-12T14:01:59.116-08:002013-01-12T14:01:59.116-08:00Oh and my parents and I have a great relationship ...Oh and my parents and I have a great relationship now. I doubt they'd want you or anyone to feel sorry for them.Darcyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03702441292981376229noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-37125730864360408002013-01-12T14:00:58.369-08:002013-01-12T14:00:58.369-08:00As a wise woman once said: “You own everything tha...As a wise woman once said: “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better.” —Anne Lamott <br /><br />Also, you have a funny definition of "shame", and an even funnier definition of "forgive". You seem to think that one cannot possibly tell the truth about one's pain and still forgive those who inflicted it. I'm sorry for you. That's a terrible way to live, controlled by such a damaging and repressive false dichotomy.<br /><br />And if I ever hurt my children, I damn well will not pretend that their pain doesn't matter as much as my reputation. I am not afraid to own my wrong-doing and not afraid of my children telling others my mistakes. Darcyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03702441292981376229noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-10298501902853534402013-01-11T15:08:07.968-08:002013-01-11T15:08:07.968-08:00The Home(in)steaders, can you clarify your stateme...The Home(in)steaders, can you clarify your statement? It appears you are telling Darcy that she is horrible for writing this piece and that her children will publicly shame her. Are you?<br /><br />I sure hope not.Incongruous Circumspectionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16232186225573312896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-80443895711997373812013-01-11T15:02:28.015-08:002013-01-11T15:02:28.015-08:00What really makes a person beautiful is forgivenes...What really makes a person beautiful is forgiveness. I feel terrible for your parents. One day you may find that your children publicly shame you for all of your mistakes. Yikes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-53422986334448487202012-12-16T20:20:10.014-08:002012-12-16T20:20:10.014-08:00I'm just now learning about the subcultures th...I'm just now learning about the subcultures that have so wounded you, Darcy, and so many others. My heart goes out to any girl or woman who has to live with such shaming and oppression. I guess I haven't lived in areas where there were that many people who think this way. I was raised pretty mainstream, jeans and all, and wore what I liked as a teen and a young adult. I only began to even think about the impression my body leaves on others when I became involved in an "opposite" subculture, Neopaganism. In this subculture, there is so much nudism and "free love" mentality which is supposed to be so freeing, yet there are always a certain minority of guys who ruin it because they treat gatherings as meat markets. These are guys whose gaze makes me want a shower. I pretty quickly quit going topless or nude at these events and began dressing in loose, flowing, comfortable clothing, partly to stay cool but mostly to keep the lewd eyes off of me. I even have some jumpers, a size or 2 too big! That said, I do wear the brightest possible colors, dye my hair rainbow shades, and drip large gaudy jewelry. My message is that I get seen on MY terms, not those others find attractive. I guess both ends of the spectrum can be oppressive, and the ways of escaping/fighting the oppression quite paradoxical. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-45794810197031235502012-07-19T14:54:26.959-07:002012-07-19T14:54:26.959-07:00This is fantastic. I didn't grow up ATI/IBLP, ...This is fantastic. I didn't grow up ATI/IBLP, but still got a similar message about "modesty" from youth group and those crazy Harris/Ludy books. It's taken me a long time to realize that ALL the Scriptures used to justify crazy modesty standards were taken out of context. It was a real revelation when I discovered that when Jesus told the men that looking lustfully at a woman was like committing adultery, that he was ONLY TALKING TO THE MEN. He never said anything to the women about dressing differently. He placed responsibility directly on the MEN. It frustrates me that legalism takes the verse and tries to slingshot responsibility over to the women. Because of legalism, I still feel vaguely guilty when I wear a 2-piece bathing suit, shorts/skirts that are above the knee, or shirts with a neckline below the collarbone. It's definitely something I'm working on. <br /><br />Interestingly, my parents never pressured me to be "modest." As long as I was dressed appropriately for the occasion (i.e. no jeans to a wedding), they were fine with whatever I wore.breakingsilencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06090568450683089951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-56622180781582057302012-05-31T07:42:32.358-07:002012-05-31T07:42:32.358-07:00Honestly? I think time is the best cure. You have ...Honestly? I think time is the best cure. You have to give yourself time to heal. Be patient with yourself. When you start to think and feel shame, don't let it stay, speak against it. You might feel ridiculous, but sometimes saying out loud "No! there is nothing wrong with this dress/pants/shirt! I am beautiful, and there is nothing shameful about that" is very helpful. But really in my own walk I've found time to be the best healer in this area. Surround yourself with other people who weren't raised like you were and will affirm you and help you heal. It's taken me years to get rid of all the shame from "modesty" teachings. Be kind to yourself. :)Darcyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03702441292981376229noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-68669252192813542302012-05-30T22:15:00.636-07:002012-05-30T22:15:00.636-07:00I am so sad that this could still apply to me. I o...I am so sad that this could still apply to me. I officially came out of patriarchy two years ago, but I am still dealing with the teachings of extreme modesty. I still struggle with extreme guilt and shame over clothing that most people (Christians included) would consider perfectly harmless. I am absolutely desperate to be free of this, but I don't know how.Bethanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14791763524324073873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-76287253680677055492012-04-27T09:06:39.184-07:002012-04-27T09:06:39.184-07:00Amen Darcy AmenAmen Darcy Amenlanethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01692381028060504361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-89104603707356602732012-04-27T09:02:40.320-07:002012-04-27T09:02:40.320-07:00Thank you for writing these posts, I was surrounde...Thank you for writing these posts, I was surrounded by homeschooling moms who taught this way and didnt want to teach my daughter these things,So I homeschool now with the school district where there are a mixture of people, Christian and nonchristian. she is a free spirit and I want her to remain that way. I come from a Latin culture and a conservative church where it was the woman's responsibility to not make a man stumble, thank God I rejected that idea then and do now! I do pray you can live free from the guilt ND shame put upon you and that others who desperately need to hear your voice willlanethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01692381028060504361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-81846387443880594972012-02-06T07:36:44.764-08:002012-02-06T07:36:44.764-08:00I was also that girl...I was also that girl...Shihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09075997712868423479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-55402075632792229322012-02-05T23:31:04.259-08:002012-02-05T23:31:04.259-08:00Wow Darcy that was beautiful!
I was that girl on...Wow Darcy that was beautiful! <br /><br />I was that girl once and am just now coming to realize that I no longer need to hide.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04228046826481862261noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3113535730415912557.post-86856225805138619602012-01-02T00:53:13.596-08:002012-01-02T00:53:13.596-08:00I am male-to-female transgender, and I worship a d...I am male-to-female transgender, and I worship a different goddess than you do.<br /><br />I am willing to believe that I am beautiful, and that your god approves of me and loves me also.<br /><br />I don't know if that's a message that you want to send, but for now I just want to pretend. Because those are things that I needed to hear. So thank you.Taryn Foxhttp://jewelfox.dreamwidth.orgnoreply@blogger.com